Sunday, March 01, 2009

The Kindness of Strangers
or
We Are Loving Those Crazy Ads...

The great thing about doing this blog for almost three years is that I've met so many fun cyber friends. It's been a great place to chat with like minded people who I can help such as a guy in South American whose for last father's day was looking for Ruth Welcome zither albums and I was able to send him my whole collection. His father's collection was stolen or was somehow destroyed.


Or the ever kind Vassilis who sends me beautiful music from the other side of the world. Last month Jana at AnyPlaceFarm wrote me and said that she had some magazines that she was trying to sell on ebay and that they didn't sell and did I want them. The next thing I knew a big package with some classic women's magazines showed up in my mailbox... My favorite is Modern Screen that is so chocked full of fantastic articles; I don't know what one to post first... Troy Donahue's haunted house or Tab Hunter's fate worse than death; or the intimate details of Debbie Reynolds Honeymoon!


Of course, the first thing I go to in those old magazines are the ads. These did not disappoint.


Women's Personal Health issues. "It's What Women Want to Know" are always good fodder for lots of laughs... especially when you can incorporate the word "Gay" in big type in the ad. I swear I've seen so many variations of this ad with Sally being gay, Jane being gay... I wonder if the ad man who worked this ad up ever had a sinking feeling during the Gay Rights Marches of the 60's. "Damn... that word had to catch on... didn't it..." I reminds me of that All in the Family where Archie complains that the queers took away a perfectly good word away from us...


I'm also surprised that I've never seen this ad printed on the front and back of tee-shirts for sale at any gay pride parade... perhaps I've just seen how I can get that down payment on that new home...


























Torture becomes this woman in a horrifying ad that really brings home the fact that she has a really, really bad sore throat. Not that I'm a doctor but if she came into my office I would either diagnosis this as strep and no amount of Neo-Aqua-Drin is going to help it. This woman needs some antibiotics and a wire cutter!


And lord... this ad for Solarcaine!!! Remember that product, I thought it was for mild sunburns, not for 2nd degree burns. These ads shouldn't be in women's magazines but in an Italian Gallo movie.
If those two ads haven't scared and depressed you enough. How about suicidal mice who eat themselves to death? I'm assuming a pamphlet comes with this where you have to yell at the mice and tell them that no one will ever love them. Ingmar Bergman films not included.


But ladies don't you fall into that eating yourself to death trap... try Diet Delight. With the wonderful new plan that tells you how many carbs and calories are in each can of corn... and no sugar! I just love this illustration!
My mother was an expert ironer. I swear I've taken my shirts to the best of dry cleaners and they can't touch mother Pearl's perfect creases. It was an art I guess passed down for generations. I don't remember her putting starch in a pot; the canned versions were popular already.

I think in the church of ironing this must be one of there stain glass windows. And Lo the winged iron came down and dispelled Iron Drag, Stick and Scorch and there was much rejoicing.
I think that this final panel is just as frightening as the burning woman or the barb-wired torture. Her the winner of the title of Speed Ironer is given the award of "Speed-Ironing" for Life! Perhaps she'll get free of her fate if she eats herself to death with the mice.

And this next ad, doesn't have anything to do with the themes of the other ads... but I put it in just for the sake of it... $5.95 for a glamour wig. I think I'd get at least three... Ice Blue for shopping days, Grey Streak for bridge Wednesdays. And Pink for those special nights with the husband.
Now I have to finish another box of this D-Con; I swear you can't stop eating it once you start. Yum...

5 comments:

Pantheon Zeus said...

love it ! Had no idea that mice ate the poison d-con until their stomachs exploded. How humane ! LOL

Donna Lethal said...

I want gay times in my ice blue wig. NOW!

Linda said...

Oh, my! These ads evoke so many memories. First, the word 'gay' has certainly morphed over the centuries, but has nearly always had some kind of sexual connotation. In fact, in the 1700's a gay woman was a prostitute. Then, as if to redeem the word, gay came to mean happy and carefree as depicted in your ads. I find it interesting that it was almost always associated with women for better or worse. I'm not sure how it came to mean homosexual, but nowadays kids use the phrase "That's so gay" to mean that's stupid. So, this little three letter word has had quite a life! I also remember Diet Delight products and Satina. My grandmother had diabetes and her doctor recommended the Diet Delight canned fruit in lieu of the heavy syrup brand that was the only option at the time. And, smile away, but that Satina was great stuff. As the CEO ironer in our house, I can tell you that the old powdered starch tempered with a bit of Satina was great for long sleeved shirts. My mom hated to iron, so I got the job. I would guess that Satina is the equivalent to the modern-day spray sizing that is used to put some body in shirts. Anyway, thanks for more great entertainment, Johnny. Keep them coming!!

Johnny C said...

Linda... so glad to have such smart readers. I didn't know about the 1700's meaning of gay. I can sort of see a natural progression.

And I kinda like that 'gay' now means stupid. In 200 years I predict it will be a sort of sugary cake topping. "My clone's birthday cake had too much gay on top... I could only eat one bite...."

I'm fascinated by Santina. Which is a lovely name for anything. And the fact you used it is great. In today's ready made world, I love that you had to boil something to make it work.

I'm searching these mags for more goodies. Comin' soon...

Linda said...

Thanks, Johnny. Smart writers attract smart readers:) Since you are interested, I must tell you that I learned about the 1700's definition of 'gay' from reading the classics. One of the books referred to a 'gay house'. I interpreted it to mean a happy, carefree house, but that connotation didn't fit the context. A friend cleared up my confusion by telling me that in the era of the story, 'gay house' meant brothel. Changes in meaning over the centuries certainly explain why some of us find it difficult to appreciate classic literature. LOL As for Santina, I was raised in such a backwoods, rural area, that it was a modern convenience! I always liked the name, too. It's melodic. Thanks again for all of the mind candy.