Monday, October 16, 2006

My Bloated Bookshelf

I have a confession. In my profile I state that one of my favorite books is "Sybil Trapper of Men". I must say, that up until this past week, I've never read it. Granted, it has been glaring at me from my bookshelf for the past 8 years. I've always been intrigued by the title. I mean, "Sybil Trapper of Men"! What self respecting gay man wouldn't want that displayed proudly on his bookshelf. (The book isn't half-bad - review coming soon).

I remember before I even moved into my first apartment I would buy books that I thought would make me look 'interesting'. I actually bought a copy of Freud's "The Interpretation of Dreams" that I would read on the bus, hoping to look intellectual. Of course, almost 20 years later my books are more a reflection of insane impulse buys at estate sales.

Here are some things I've pulled off the shelf this evening:

I love this book. It just a collection of stars headshots with a short bio. Here are some of the names in the book: Milton Berle, Woody Allen, Elliot Gould, Joan Rivers, the Marx Bros. Granted I didn't know about Theda Bara or Yves Montand. But I think I could have 'guessed' Joan Rivers. I'm sure this was a popular Hanukkah gift for 1985.

During an estate sale I picked up a bunch of self-help books from the 50s and 60s. Even though I've never gotten more than half a page into any of these books, I feel inspired to have them on my shelf. I also think that they show guests to my home that I'm trying to improve, even if through psychic means.

Other titles not shown: "The Importance of Feeling Inferior" "Breakdown: the true story of one man's victory over insanity!" "How to Stop Killing Yourself." "The 7-Day System for Gaining Self-confidence, Popularity, and Financial Success".

I've got to start reading again.

I've several books geared towards women to 'please your man' but nothing is like "Hold Your Man". I had tried to get Cheryl Tryvk to make this book into a performance piece. And in looking at it, I've several pages marked and passages highlighted. Such as:

Modesty in matters of the bathroom is essential if you wish to preserve that certain quality of fastidiousness which is precious to the woman of refinement. When you were first married you carefully avoided any mention of your physical requirements and maintained absolute bathroom privacy. However... Married people gradually let down the bars of their privacy... This is a grave mistake; and the woman who used the toilet in the presence of her husband is destroying one of his dream pictures of her. Men are such idealists -- they imagine their loved ones as having a special enchantment.

The book goes on to explain how to catch a man by making sure your teeth are clean, your breasts are firm, and you don't talk too much. To hold your man it explains to never let your husband see you out of make up (In fact, it suggests that you get up an hour earlier than your husband so that when you greet him with his breakfast in bed he sees you with lipstick and blush in place). The author also suggests that women do their reading during the day so that when their husbands are home they won't be distracted by any other entertainments.

To top it off the drawings are horrifying.

You can get her other book: Personality Unlimited on ebay for $9.99 -

That's just a brief look into my little bookshelf. If these books do say anything about me, I think that I should buy more books by Freud and start riding the bus again.


Graeme said...

I totally need to show you my copies of "101 Part-Time Jobs For Girls" (circa 1954) and "Pets For Pleasure and Profit"... oh man, what a treat. ;)

David said...

I love this book! It's so true!

Steve Thornton said...

Why the hell is that freak licking her arm? I may imagine my sweetie as having "a special enchantment", but I sure as heck don't want to see her licking her arm like she's having a psychotic episode.